ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
