I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
