Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The Olympian is in my bed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
