Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
