Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
