if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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