TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
