When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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