"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
