I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just want to make out with him forever
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
