I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
