every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
