Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
