It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
