Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
