You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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