thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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