I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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