ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
