Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
