I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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