My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
