Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
