yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
