if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
