went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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