I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
