you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
