I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
