Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
