Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I met the friendliest cop last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
