i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
