Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
