Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
