Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
