oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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