At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
