I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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