He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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