he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
