my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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