Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
