just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
