she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
