What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
