so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
