she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
