dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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