Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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