I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
