Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so let's talk penis.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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