need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
